5 Silly (But True) Reasons I Don't Want Kids

1. I would hate to have to start censoring myself.

• Every once in awhile I will catch myself saying words like "hell" or "damn" around my niece and nephew. It's hard to turn it off! If we had kids of our own, I'd have to censor myself ALL THE DAMN TIME.

2. The ticking time bomb.

• I have always felt like if I ever got pregnant, I wouldn't be able to view the pregnancy as a countdown to the day I meet my baby, but rather it would feel like a countdown to the day I go through the worst pain of my life. Is there anything worse than that moment in LOTR: The Fellowship of the Ring when they start hearing the banging of the drums from deep within the cave? You know there's something TERRIBLE coming and there's NOTHING you can do to stop it! (And, oh yeah, instead of orcs attacking you, it's your vagina tearing. Can you think of anything more horrifying than being cut or tearing down there??)

3. Diet restrictions for 9 months.

• Yeah, it's only 9 months, but I can't fathom giving up coffee, diet coke, AND alcohol! Life wouldn't be worth living without those things.

4.  What if the kid is allergic to cats?

• My ex mother-in-law used to ask me this question. My answer was always "well, the cats were here first." It got a laugh, but I meant it. No way would I EVER get rid of my cats. The kid can get allergy shots.

5.  No more sleeping in.

• I've been on vacation for the past week and have slept until about 10:30am almost every day. It's been amazing. With kids, I don't think I could dream of that happening until maybe they hit their teens and began sleeping until noon. I need my sleep. I think anyone close to me can attest to the fact that I am not a very nice person when I suffer lack of sleep.

Yes, these are all silly, inconsequential reasons for not wanting kids. No need to leave a comment saying that. :) Maybe someday I will post my real, deep held reasons for not wanting to be a mother, but for now I thought I'd just leave you all with a laugh. Happy New Year!