Chris

So I've been trying to figure out how to write this entry for the past couple of days. Do I just lay it all on the line, explain everything, knowing my family sometimes reads this blog? Or should I censor a few of the crazier details, saving them for a later date when they don't sound quite so mental? I still haven't come to a conclusion, to be honest, so I'm just going to start writing and see where it goes.

As I believe I've said on here before, I used to belong to a couple of dating websites. Well, I was growing tired of seeing the same guy's faces every time I logged in so one night I decided to change my "looking" location from 'near me' to 'anywhere.' Soon after this, I had a profile pop up as a match of a guy from England. I read his profile and it just seemed like we had similar personalities, so after viewing his pictures and deciding he was indeed very handsome, I decided to send him a random question and see if he'd respond. Low and behold, a couple of days later I got a message back. From that point we started emailing each other on a regular basis, with each email getting longer and longer. After a few days I suggested we try to chat online, which turned into video chatting. Basically, before I knew it, Chris and I were talking every possible minute of every day.

So there's kind of the bare bones facts of how we met and how it's progressed. I guess now is the time for deciding how much to say. Well, what the hell....I am insanely, absolutely, irrevocably in love with Christopher Richard Grapes. (And yes, Grapes is his real last name. ;)) I know that sounds crazy because we haven't technically met in person and because it's been just over a month that we've been talking, but I have absolutely no doubts that we are meant to be together. I've never felt like this about anyone before. He completes me (cheesy, I know, but still true). It's amazing how well you can get to know someone when you spend so much time just talking to them. ;) I say that for those of you thinking I don't even know the guy. To assuage a few more fears, I am planning a trip to England at the end of October so we can officially meet. After that, Chris is planning to travel to Idaho next April. We haven't quite worked things out yet with that trip, but it's looking more and more like it will be an indefinite stay.

That's my big news...plain and simple. If I was in your shoes, I would probably be thinking that I am crazy so I won't be upset if that's what is going through your mind right at this moment. :) But Chris and I are both sure that things with us will work out. We haven't decided details yet, but we are both willing to do the relocation thing to make it work.

I suppose that fills my crazy quotient for the night. If ya'll want to know anything else, feel free to leave me a comment with questions and I'll try to write a follow-up blog soon. I'm sure more random stuff will pop up along the way, and obviously I'll be blogging about my upcoming trip to England...so I just wanted to make everyone aware that Chris is going to be a standard fixture on stories of my life from here on out. :)

Big News to Come

Anyone who is Facebook friends with me may have noticed a few recent changes. :) I will try to write a blog to update ASAP...it's just going to be a long one so I've been procrastinating! I'll write soon. :) Hope all of you are well.

Running Away

I remember once, when I was about six or seven, gathering a little backpack of supplies and taking off down the street. I was going to run away. I'm sure I had my reasons, and I'm sure they were completely valid in my young mind. I believe I made it about four houses down before I sat on the curb and wondered how life would be if I abandoned my family. Would I join the circus, as you tend to believe all runaways do at that age? I couldn't see myself as the circus type. After swallowing my pride, I shuffled back home. I don't think anyone even noticed my attempt to change my life forever, which possibly made it worse.

Now I'm starting to wonder if the urge to run away ever leaves us. Today I've found myself wanting to be that seven year old again. Gather up a little suitcase with the necessary supplies, drive myself to the airport, and just disappear somewhere into the wild blue yonder. Would anyone notice this time? Would someone come and see my apartment, left just as if I had been fully intending to come home that night, to do the dishes and make my bed? I kind of love the image of my apartment being frozen in time that way. Of imagining people wondering where I'd gone to...if I'd finally gone to join the circus. The unfortunate thing is that at seven years old I fully believed I could run away and join this imaginary circus, the thing that really stopped me was a lack of desire to do so. Now at twenty-six, I know there isn't a circus with a vacancy just waiting for me. I know I have bills to pay...a job people expect me to show up for...cats that need taken care of. I can't just fly off on a foreign adventure. I need money. I need a passport. I need a place to stay. I wish I was seven again and didn't even consider those things...I'd just shoulder my backpack and start walking. Maybe this time I'd make it further than four houses down the road...

Privacy

I've decided to make my blog private. I'll wait about a week before I do it to give you guys time to let me know if you want to be added to the list of people still able to view it. :) Just leave me a comment on here with your email address and I'll put it on the list. Thanks guys!

Promise Ring

So I found out last night that Ryan has given his current girlfriend a promise ring, and the real thing "will be coming shortly." Not feeling too pleased over this. Trust me, it has nothing to do with jealousy. It has more to do with the fact that I'm still dealing with divorce aftermath (mostly feelings of anger) and he's easily moved forward. He's like the worst person in the world and he's still found someone willing to give her life to him. It makes me sick. And it makes me feel bad because I'm drowning in the dating world. I have yet to find someone that I really click with in that way. Besides, he told me several times that he wouldn't want to get married again for a long time. Of course he's a born liar so that shouldn't surprise me. :) Anyway, just wanted to complain here for a minute.

New Apartment

So these pictures don't quite do the place justice but this will give you an idea of what my new apartment looks like:

I finally got all the furniture delivered and/or set up so it is complete! Having my own place has been great. Tonight is really the first night I've been bored/lonely...thus why I decided to write a blog.

In other news, Tyler and I decided to take a step back. We are still friends and will probably still go on dates from time to time but we are going to date other people as well. As we got to know each other more, it became apparent that we wanted different things from life and had differing views on a lot of things. I'm not saying what one of us wanted was better than the other, they just didn't mesh so we thought this would be the best thing to do. I am feeling okay about the decision, other than the loneliness factor. I think the most important thing I need to do is find a way to survive without a guy in my life. I feel like I've pretty much been at least casually seeing someone almost since I moved back to Boise. It's almost like I feel that I need validation from men to feel worthwhile and I know there's something flawed with that thinking. So I am trying to go man-free for awhile and we'll see how it goes...

My job is going really well. They started me entering transcripts, which I love. It reminds me of my job at UVU so there's a certain comfort in the familiarity but it also keeps me busy all day which makes time pass more quickly. I've been becoming closer friends with the girls at my office, which has been great. I'm so lucky to have gotten a job at a place where I really like and get along with all of my co-workers. It's nice to feel like you are going to work with friends. :)

Other than that I don't have much news. I haven't talked to Ryan in a couple of months now and I think it's for the best. I have a strange compulsion to want to stay friends with my exes (I think I'm friends with almost all of them on Facebook =P) and I did want to do that with Ryan, but as time passed I realized it wasn't going to happen. Almost every time we talked, we got into a fight. I was still letting him make me feel bad about myself after we were divorced and it's not worth it so I'm just trying to keep up the will power to not contact him again.

So yeah, that's life in a nutshell. Since I started dating Tyler I hadn't been out to the clubs too much. This last week I went out twice, but I think I got it out of my system for awhile. Now I'm just trying to think of something fun to do for my 26th birthday which is less than a month away! I want to do something big as a way to put my 25th year of life (which was filled with a lot of bad) behind me. I was thinking sky diving or bungee jumping but they are both pretty pricey. I'd love to go to Vegas but there's no way I could afford it now with the apartment. So that leaves me the other option I was considering...a tattoo. I've thought about getting one since the separation but I was giving it time since that's not exactly a decision you want to rush into. I've decided a location (foot) and what I want so it seems like that might be the way to go...we'll see. Most likely I will just end up alone in my apartment all day. ;)

Guess that's it for now. Hope all is well with everyone!

Moving!!!

So I don't have a lot of extra time to write at the moment as I am supposed to be packing to move into my new apartment!! Woohoo!!! I go in to sign the lease tomorrow and will get everything moved over on Saturday. I simply can't wait!! It feels a little unreal since I've been camped out at my mom's house for so long. Anyway, I'll be posting pictures of my new abode as soon as I get everything set up. :) However, to hold you over, I made a little slideshow of pictures of Tyler and I from last week. It's a little cheesy with the hearts and all, but Tyler has gotten me into cheesy. :) Things are going really well with us, and I will post more about that later as well!