Thanksgiving

So I have a bright new outlook on life now. My last entry was kind of depressing...and really that was a depressing week with everything crushing down on me, but since then I have had a change in attitude. When I wrote the last entry, I was kind of dreading Thanksgiving because I felt like I had nothing to be grateful for but now I can see the opposite is true. So in no particular order, here are the things in my life that I am grateful to have.

--I am grateful for a second chance. I feel like my marriage to Ryan was something that was rushed into, probably for the wrong reasons. I'm not saying I will ever get married again but if I do, I will at least have learned from this experience and will be able to make the right choice for the right reasons later in my life.

--I am grateful for a return of self esteem. I don't want to rag on him, but there used to be a lot of stuff that I did that Ryan would complain about. Because of that, and other factors, my self esteem plummeted during my marriage. Almost two months after all of this started, I feel like I am myself again. I never really felt comfortable or like I could really be who I was with Ryan. Now I am able to do that and am beginning to love myself again and feel comfortable in my own skin.

--I am grateful for freedom. That might sound terrible, but I absolutely love not having to answer to anyone now. I don't have to explain myself for purchases I make. I don't have to be responsible for someone else's meals or clean clothes or whatever. I only have to worry about myself and don't have to be accountable to someone. I am loving that.

--I am grateful for a new outlook on life. Certain things have changed for me since the divorce. It has been a welcome change. Frankly, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders now. I can be who I am and don't have to do things just to please others. (Again, this is one of those comments that might not make total sense if you don't know the situation, but I promise I will explain soon.)

--I am grateful to be in Boise. I LOVE Boise. It is my home, and always will be. I am loving being back here and being near my mom and closest friends. It's been wonderful.

--I am grateful for the chance I've had to take some time off. I've got enough money to survive until the end of January without a job...it's nice not to have a big ticking time bomb over my head. I have the freedom to take my time to find the right job.

--I am grateful for the things that will happen in the future. What I am speaking of in particular is the chance to get my own apartment. I've never lived by myself before and frankly I can't wait. I'm sure it will get lonely every once in awhile, but I am going to love having my own space and privacy. I have appreciated my mom welcoming me back to her home so willingly, but it will be nice to have a place to do with what I want.

--I am grateful for the chance I've had to reconnect with old friends, and make some new ones. It is such a big world out there and I can't believe how limited my view of it was before. I am excited to meet new people and see new perspectives.

--Most of all, I am grateful for all the support I've gotten the past couple of months. It's meant so much for everyone to offer what they could. I have been shown so much love and concern, which is something that was desperately needed and something I fear I won't ever be able to repay. I just hope you guys now how much it has meant to me to have you by my side.

I could probably ramble on for awhile, but there is a decent list. I had a great Thanksgiving holiday and am now looking forward to an exciting weekend. My mom and I went shopping tonight and I basically finished shopping for everyone on my list except for my sister. Not bad for a day after Thanksgiving. =) I hope all of you had a good day as well and were able to think of the ways your life has been blessed.