Day #3

Topic: "Something with which you struggle."

This may end up being a controversial entry, because as I'm sitting here pondering this question, what comes to mind is my opinions on religion. I struggle with finding a real "live and let live" mentality for some things. Specifically that's true of certain people (*cough* ex-husbands [both mine and my sister's] *cough*) but in general, it's with religion. As a post-LDS person, it's hard for me not to concentrate on the bad effects the church had on my life. It's hard to not think that if I'd had the courage to leave sooner, to chose to go to a college I really wanted to attend, that I never would have married Ryan. I try not to think of "what could have been scenarios" anymore though. My past, including the crappy parts, are what made me who I am today and helped lead me to Chris. I'd go through my divorce again any number of times to get back to where my heart now lies. But I guess the point I'm dancing around now is that it's hard for me to look at people who are all tied up in organized religion and not think of the negative impacts it's having on their lives.

Chris once posed the question to me that if I could snap my fingers and make all the religion in the world disappear, would I? My gut reaction was yes. The world would be better without religious crazies doing terrible things in the name of God. But as I thought about it a little more, I realized that really, my answer should be no. When I try to take my personal opinions out of it, I can see that religion offers people comfort, and hope. I can see how certain people need that system of beliefs in order to give them the will power to stay away from things that are bad for them. I can see that, I just don't understand it because it's not something I need anymore.

So yes, I want to be a live and let live kind of person. I try not to discuss certain things anymore because I know they are triggers to ill feelings. I think this is going to be a pretty lifelong struggle for me, but I don't want to bare a grudge. My mother is still a part of the LDS religion and I know how important it is to her. My mom truly is one of my best friends and I love her so much. If the church makes her happy, then I don't want to interfere with that. It took some time for her to come to terms with my decision to leave, but she did. I need to give her, and everyone else, that same courtesy. To each his own, right?