After hanging out with one of my best friends last night, I decided it was time to write a post about how horrible we are to ourselves. This past week, I've been getting more into finding and reading blogs about healthy body images and accepting yourself. Maybe that's the reason that this self-abuse we women inflict on ourselves is becoming more and more obvious.
It seems like every single girl I am friends with complains about her weight. It doesn't matter what size she is. I have a friend who is close to my size who wants to lose weight. I have one that is a size 13 and wants to lose weight. I have one that is a size 6 and wants to lose weight. What is wrong with everyone? It seems like it's a requirement of being a woman these days that you have to want to lose weight. All I hear from people is how they need to lose 10, 20, 30 pounds. Or about how they used to be a size ____ and they just wish they could get back to that. It's time to wake up girls. The grass is always greener on the other side. You need to learn to love yourself how you are, or you never will...even when you're 10, 20, 30 pounds lighter.
It seems like every woman I know also talks about how they want to improve their wardrobe, but they want to wait until they've lost some weight. You need to put yourself first. Come to terms with who you are and how much you weigh because it doesn't matter! If you wear nice clothes and feel confident, that will be projected to others and you will be much more attractive than if you keep wearing clothes you hate and telling yourself you need to go exercise and not eat such-and-such for lunch. For all my friends out there that keep going in circles over this issue, here are some awesome shopping sites I've found this week with bigger sizes and gorgeous, fashionable clothes. My advice is to do some shopping:
http://us.dorothyperkins.com/
http://www.igigi.com/
http://www.swakdesigns.com/
http://www.torrid.com/
http://www.forever21.com/ (they have a plus size section)
http://www.simplybe.com/
http://us.asos.com
Go buy something that fits your current size...not your dream size! Buy something that will make you feel sexy and flatter your CURRENT body shape!
So how did we get this way? Who put the idea that we need to be skinny to be beautiful into our heads? And more importantly, why did we let them get away with it?? Probably a lot can be said for the media holding a good chunk of the blame. They project the image that thin=pretty in almost every avenue of entertainment. There's also some blame to go to the fashion industry, who often makes clothing that only goes up to a certain size, therefore making you think "damn, I'm too fat for all these cute clothes". For example, Victoria's Secret only carries clothing/lingerie up to a size large. Not even a extra-large! That's why I don't shop at Victoria's Secret anymore. The last persons I might suggest holds some of the responsibility in this current state of sad affairs are our families. I love my mother to death (and she'll probably be mad at me for saying this) but since I was young, she's been encouraging me to lose weight and it's had a strong affect on how I see myself. Too often we pick up cues from our mothers about what beauty means. Even if your mother didn't specifically tell you that you should lose weight, I'll bet that you observed her being unhappy with her own looks at some point. We are basically programmed to believe that we should never be happy with our looks, because there is always something that could be improved on.
In closing, I'm not suggesting that we shouldn't be concerned with our health, because that's important. I do want to lose some weight, but it's not because I'm disgusted with my looks, it's because I want to be healthier and be more in shape so I can enjoy active activities in my life with Chris. I think we all need to take a good hard look in the mirror, but this time don't pick apart your flaws as I know we are all prone to do. Instead, concentrate on your good qualities. Maybe you have great hair, beautiful eyes, sexy curves. Figure out how to enhance those things. AND THEN GO DO IT! Make your happiness at this current weight, at this current time, a priority! If you are happy and confident in yourself, you will be better in all other aspects of your life because you'll have one less thing to worry about.
For more reading, please check out these blogs I have found and LOVE:
http://www.stylehasnosize.com/
http://thecurvyfashionista.mariedenee.com/
http://www.plus-model-mag.com/
http://mylipstickonhercollar.com/
http://curvyisthenewblack.tumblr.com/
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5 comments:
I love this! I'm all about getting healthy and fit, not necessarily losing weight. I have never cared what the scale says and my mom and sister obsess over it and drive me insane!
I'm having a really hard time with my weight at the moment because my entire life I was always under weight. Then 6 years ago I quit smoking and put on 10 pounds over night. That was awesome! I Loved the way I looked, I was finally at a normal weight. But then last year the weight began to creep on, I've put on 25 pounds in just the last year.
Next month, I have a wedding to go to in my home town. I haven't been "home" since before the 25 pounds so I'm feeling a lot of stress to lose it before seeing my friends and family again.
About 2 months ago I began hitting the gym daily and watching what I ate. I got absolutely no results after an exhausting month so I went to my doctor and had my thyroid checked. Luck has it, my thyroid has stopped working so I began taking the medicine to help with that. Unfortunately, this medicine doesn't work over night; I'm beginning to see a little progress and hopefully, I can shed most of it in the next 6 weeks. :)
I am somewhat vain about my weight and not really sure why. Even thin, I've never had a curvaceous body. I'm built pretty much like a teenage boy. lol But now, (I've had 5 kids) I look like I'm 5 months pregnant and I hate it!!!
You're right, instead of shopping for flattering clothing, I go around in my jeans and husband's big shirts to hide the belly (where all my weight is).
Part of my desire to lose weight is because of the media. I look at those actresses with the flat bellies and think, I used to look like that. And honestly, I feel bad for my husband who married me when I was a size 4. I know he didn't marry me for my body but still, I feel like I'm no longer attractive to him even though he tells me everyday that I'm HOT and beautiful. I just don't buy it.
Age is the same way, though. I'm 42 and beginning to show signs of aging and feel the same way, that my husband may not be attracted to an old lady, after all, who is? Everyone says I look in my early 30's but how long is that going to last?
Oh man, I'm a mess! lol
Patti, I think everyone stresses about vanity things, even the most flawless people. And that's part of the problem, that we're inherently designed as a culture to fix the outside, presuming that will fix the inside, where the problems actually lie.
I know that I stress about my own appearance all the time (though you wouldn't believe that from my unshaven face, uncombed hair and unironed shirts!) I stress about thinning hair, about my beer belly, my lack of muscle tone (or muscle of any kind!), but they're all surface things ultimately. I have no aspirations to be photographed on the cover of Us Weekly or anything, and so I write these stresses off as wishes, rather than must-haves. I wish my hair was thicker. I wish my stomach was washboard flat. But I also wish I knew how to fly a plane, wish to travel Europe, or win the lottery. There's nothing wrong with wishing you had a different body, but it's all about how proportional that wish is - give it the priority it should have, way down underneath the wish to just 'be happy'.
I think it's great that your husband still tells you such things - I make it a point to tell Sam she's pretty and beautiful every single day, not because I think it's what she needs to hear, but because she is.
I think you should do what Sam suggests - go and have a shopping spree and buy some clothes you like that fit you now, not fit your ideal size. Even as a man, I know there's something very nice about putting on some brand new clothes and knowing you (not they, but you) look good.
Thanks Chris, my 15 year old son and I were talking about vanity just yesterday, in fact. I have always had super white legs; my upper body tans fine but my legs are blinding. So I mentioned to him that I've been thinking of trying one of those tanning lotions or possibly tanning salons but I'm worried about the health issue of using either.
My son suggested that happiness comes from within and so if you're not happy inside, your physical appearance is not going to help. I agreed with him however, I explained that a certain amount of vanity is healthy as it can help us to be more active, eat better, look better (we don't want a world where people don't bathe, etc.) just as a certain amount of fear is healthy, keeps us from running out into traffic and such.
So, the question is, I suppose, where's the balance? How does one measure why they are concern about their appearance. Wanting to look good for your husband/wife can be good and a healthy motivator.
I get it, I totally get it. For those plus size women and muscle lacking men who might find it difficult to live in a society that finds ultra skinny and a six pack to be attractive, I completely agree!
My husband is currently working out every day, hoping to get that six pack and honestly, I don't find that look attractive but if that's what he thinks he needs to be happy then I'll support him.
So,I guess I'm an example that goes against what many consider to be the norm. I don't find muscular men attractive. Since I know from experience, there must be men out there who don't find what our society has taught us to be sexy, sexy. Does that make sense?
Sam is right!!! We should not base our value or consider ourselves ugly if we don't fit into societal molds of what beauty is.
Beauty is, after all, in the eye of the beholder. If you think you're beautiful, then you are!
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